; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
