i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Randomize
