i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
