hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
this hospital has no fireball
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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