well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
