Having a random hookup so left but love u
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
