are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
