party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
