i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize