peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Randomize
