I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
