Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
