he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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