If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize