Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
