also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
