i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
