I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
