yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
