The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
