forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
