Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
