I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
