I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
