He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
