i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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