i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
