Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize