last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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