I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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