My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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