Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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