I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
