Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize