This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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