curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
