I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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