My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
