No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
