I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize