you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
