Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
