We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
