You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
