I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
last night I used snow as a chaser
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