I want you more than these girls want KFC
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
