you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
