We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
