she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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