by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
