Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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