the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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