"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
