Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
