Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
