my vag is so smooth its legendary
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
