I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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