i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
