She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
