The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
