I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
