i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
