drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
