i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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