the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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