I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
