He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
