I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
