were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
