Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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