Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
