id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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