Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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