yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
