actually, I'm a sock model
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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