Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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