C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
