Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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