Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My dick has a subreddit
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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