my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
