I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize