im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
