question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
