Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
