I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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