If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
