i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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