sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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