I didn't shave. On purpose
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
