I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
