just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
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